Nicole vs. Life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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