Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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