you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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