I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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