dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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