you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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