The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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