I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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