hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
