D3 body, D1 cock
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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