allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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