I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
