Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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