I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
