help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
