My hand turned me down
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
