i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
