I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
