Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
