i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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