Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please come you make the beer taste better
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
