I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
