my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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