Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
