He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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