Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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