remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
