My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
