You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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