ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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