Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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