i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
