either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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