Plan B is the new Plan A
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
