i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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