my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
