His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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