filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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