also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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