so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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