Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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