STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
