Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
