im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
