They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
