i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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