I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
