obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
