R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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