When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
