Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
