So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
