I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
