why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
