I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
