If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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