New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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