your thong is hanging out like whoa
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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