All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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