i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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