her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
