either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
