Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize