come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
