I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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