Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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