Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
