I hate your face
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
