So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
