im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
