I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
