I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
