i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
