mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
