Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
